Friday, August 18, 2017

Why I fear independence

As I mentioned in the start of this series of posts, I didn't like the idea of personal independence. I think a lot of that had to do with fear. I'm using the past tense, but maybe I should be using the present tense as well. Whew, this feels like a weight off my chest. 


I feared/fear...


loneliness. 


I suspect that many people do as well. I think we should talk about this issue, loneliness, more in society. 


I've talked about loneliness a few times here. Most notably, here and here. But I can and should talk about it a lot more, whether in person or in written form. 

Thursday, August 17, 2017

To be able to think plenty of your own wonderful, unique thoughts;

To be able to feel a wide range of emotions and feel complex emotions, fully;


To be able to meet new people and form all types of genuine relationships;


To be able to experience the thrill of adventure, big and small, on a regular basis;


Is truly a gift. 


Independence is also a skill. It takes heart, takes confidence, takes intelligence, takes experience. 

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Dependent 

Open

Soft
Kind 
Brave
Dependence 

I think that any discussion of independence must start with a discussion on dependence. 


Being totally dependent and totally independent are not mutually exclusive. They can coexist at the same time. It's just one of the mysteries of how this world works. 


So before I say anything else about independence in this series of posts, I want to stress the importance of being dependent. 


Specifically, being dependent on people. 


The more dependent, the better. 


This isn't weak. It's strong to be able to humble ourselves and to be able to trust others. 


Just as long as we're being equally independent, at the same time.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Independent 

I'm going to begin a series of posts on independence. Not in a political sense. In a personal sense.


When I was younger, I didn't like the idea of independence. Is that strange? I don't know. But I'll start here.


There's a lot to say!

Friday, August 11, 2017

I feel like I should do something nice for myself today. Something small, but nice. 

Certain people have been stressing me out these last few weeks, unrelated situations to each other. One situation was about issues that  I have with someone, that I should have dealt with by myself long ago. My fault for not doing that until now.


Maybe I'll go shopping or something, I'm not sure yet.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Guy friends

They cannot be close friends. That is the big rule. If you become close, one or both of you is going to want to be more than just friends. Then it becomes a different situation, for better or for worse.


It's good to have guy friends. Males are half the population, after all. You're bound to click with some of them, it's natural. 


Guy friends have a different perspective on things, they have knowledge and expertise in areas that traditionally women don't have, they are often really funny and entertaining, they don't get caught up in a lot of friendship dramas. 


They make life a little more full. 

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

After a long hiatus, I think I will start writing again (my stories). My emotions are strong and flowing! There's stuff to get out. For me, this is good.
Calm

Easy

Slow
Rational 
Wise 

Monday, August 7, 2017

My future 

My future is not going to be defined by what someone tells me is right for me. I'm not going to follow what my family, extended family, community, or culture tells me is right for me. The only reason I will follow something that others agree with is because it is in line with my own morals of kindness and forgiveness for everyone, justice, hard work, and letting go of control. There's nothing in my list about materialism or excessively trying to control life, which I think I often see in the environment around me. 


Also, I want to add something about filial piety, respecting elders, and respecting the community. These concepts are big in Asian culture. I'm Asian, and I totally believe in these concepts. But I think a lot of Asians would say that people need to respect their parents, elders, and community even when it's harmful to do so, and that's when I disagree with this thinking. 


Anyway, what I see in my future is: not being rich, working hard, love, and having a totally unpredictable life.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

You

You are cold and calculating, not caring about others. 

I wish for you to feel love and warmth. 

You are pure evil; you concentrate on doing the things that will hurt people the very most, for no reason. 

I wish for you to experience and know abundant goodness. 

You are full of a wisdom and peace and joy that I can't understand, that only comes from overcoming immense suffering.

I am thrilled for you. 

You are full of hatred and rage; this is the foundation of who you are.

I wish you the greatest peace.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Some ways to be more genuine

Being genuine is important, because then we're being honest. And honesty is important because it is the foundation of love. Without honesty, there's no love.


Anyway, we can always be more genuine. There is no limit to how genuine we can be.


-Make mistakes, lots of mistakes, in front of people (don't be afraid to)...and then admit them.


-Smile whenever you're enjoying something (wear your heart on your sleeve). 


-Show people all of your passions and hobbies.

Friday, August 4, 2017

Things I love, not just like (as in, things that make life seem so very meaningful)

Dogs. Puppies.

My short stories 
Cooking or baking for special occasions 
Being in nature by myself 

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Random, late mid-year, review

I can't believe it's already August. The year is more than half over. This feels really bizarre to me.


So about this year so far, since January, I want to say that...


I have faced difficult and unpleasant truths about every significant relationship in my life. The truths I faced in each relationship were unique to that relationship.


I guess I got to the point in my life where I could handle the fact that life is really, really not perfect. Every significant relationship in my life is not perfect, far from it, and will never be close to perfect. Oh well.


I don't find this depressing either, not really. I just accept it as a way of life.


So that's a major, underlying thing that's been going on for me this year.


Going forward, for the rest of this year, I want to say that...


I hope that I fully embrace the unknown. Enjoy the unknown. 

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Different ways to help people, give

-Talk to someone when he/she is bored or lonely. It doesn't matter if you're not a good conversationalist. He/she will probably be grateful just to have any conversation. 


-Find out what someone's favorite food is. Then make or buy it for him/her.


-Introduce people, or groups of people, to each other who you think would get along well as friends. (For clarification, I don't mean romantically or as potential dating partners). 


-Assume that everyone around you has lots of problems in their lives. For certain people of your choosing, work on gaining their trust so that you might be able to help them with their problems.

Monday, July 31, 2017

Being a leader

Being a leader is difficult. It's a skill. I think it's a skill that everyone should have, regardless of age, gender, any life status, etc.


There are many ways to go about being a successful leader. There are many different types of successful leadership styles. It's up to each one of us to find our own leadership style. 


I think mine is about creating situations that help/benefit many people at once. My style is also low-key. I'm not going to be in front of crowds or getting major publicity for being a leader. This feels natural and right for me.
Group mentality 

I have a mentality where I become really easily influenced by the group of people I'm with. Whatever values that group has, I easily adopt them too. I follow. 


This means that I easily pick up bad thinking and habits from groups of people. Especially if the group of people is one I knew in my most formative years, as a young child.


It takes effort for me to go against group attitudes in these cases. I have to remind myself that at times, being a lone wolf is best.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Feeling more than okay 

Positive

Excitement 
Wonder 
In control

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Advice to my younger self 

One piece of advice I would give to my younger self would be to imagine me in my old age more, as an old lady. 


It would have been good for me to do this because I could have concentrated on seeing and liking myself for the traits that matter, and not the superficial ones. 


And I would have felt a lot better about myself.

Friday, July 28, 2017

Feeling okay

Average 

Optimistic 
Unchanging
Simple

Thursday, July 27, 2017

I wrote a number of short stories in the last few years. The last one was about a year ago. I'm pretty proud of them. One of them, the first one I wrote actually, is on the sidebar. ("The After School Special"). I also talked about it, and my short stories generally, here.

Anyway, I want to talk about my writing process for these short stories. It was difficult and unusual. 


I wrote these short stories in a deeply disturbed state. 


I had strong emotions that I needed to release, very strong emotions. I wrote my short stories to help me release these emotions.


However, I didn't know how to release my emotions in a controlled and mature manner. Instead, I felt an intense urge to have all my emotions released right away. So I felt an intense urge to finish writing a short story right away. I wrote every short story frenetically. 


I'm proud of every short story that I wrote during this time period. I think I did a good job of conveying certain deep emotions. But I'm not proud of the way I wrote these short stories.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Beautiful nature

The colors are so vibrant 

More vibrant than I could imagine on my own in my wildest dreams 
The patterns so natural yet complex
A sense of how it took thousands, millions, trillions, even more than that, years to create this picture in front of me 
Such beauty, there must be something behind it
It must have come from something even more beautiful
Something magnificent 
This is enough for my sight, my senses, my heart, and my soul 

Sunday, July 23, 2017

After writing my last two posts, I feel really weary and out-of-sorts. They were draining to write. I need a mental and emotional break today. This post is the most I can do today.
In all my talking about myself here, here is another thing I can't believe I haven't mentioned about myself...it's a biggie. 

Well, this is something about myself that I didn't think was possible to explain before. But now I don't think this is impossible to explain; I think I just was not strong enough to explain this before. 


---


I had to find myself. I had to save myself. 


I didn't understand the basic concept of love and sacrifice, I had never really experienced feelings before, I didn't understand the concept of morals/principles, I didn't understand the concept of instincts and had never really experienced following them before, I didn't know how to experience physical/sensual pleasure and didn't know how important this is and didn't know that I was missing out on this...


I was twenty-five years old. I had been living a set path in life. I was very set in my ways. From here, how did I turn myself around? 


Step-by-step. Slowly. 


I thought about a lot of very abstract things. They were fundamental though. Spiritual things. Meaning of life things. I did this for years. 


Then, I moved onto less abstract thoughts. I had to undo the unhealthy ways I thought about myself, and replace those thoughts with healthy thoughts. I did this for years. 


Then, I moved onto less abstract thoughts. I thought about the most meaningful human relationship. I thought about what love is and how to love. I did this for years. 


I journaled all the time. I repeated things to myself in my head all the time, like a mantra. It was intense. All my thoughts now were new kinds of thoughts, fundamentally different from the kinds of things I had thought before. It was a deliberate action on my part to think all these new, fundamentally different types of thoughts. 


Through sheer will and hard work, I re-programmed myself. 

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Abuse 

Abuse: Deliberately hurting an innocent person to the point where he/she is almost dead. It can be physical, emotional, financial, etc. 


Frightened 

Helpless
Shocked
Great loss 
Sick
Raw
Low 

Friday, July 21, 2017

Favorite things to cook

My favorite things to cook are traditional, home-cooked foods. That is, comfort food, the food that most reminds you of home and when you were a kid, food that is very tasty on an everyday basis.


Obviously, the definition of traditional home-cooked food is different for everyone. For me, traditional home-cooked food is some combination of these factors...Chinese/Taiwanese food, American food, Italian food, pretty healthy, involves a minimal to moderate amount of work to make, and nothing too creative--just simple, basic ingredients and flavor combinations.


This cooking is my soul! It says a lot about me and my roots :).

Thursday, July 20, 2017

A pleasant memory from work

When I first started working at my current job, I felt like a total outsider. It was a small company too, which made me feel like I stood out even more.


Anyway, one area of the office that I felt at ease in and enjoyed was the lab area in the back. It was really a warehouse space that the company used for other office purposes. It felt laid-back there.


The tech support and RMA departments worked back there. In general, they were a friendly bunch of people. There was always some pleasant background noise from talking going on. It wasn't too quiet or too loud.


It was also a really big, open space. In addition to the work areas, there was a ping pong table in there. The company also stored random marketing materials and the free office supplies/stationary there.


Later on, the company moved everything out of that space. It became part of the warehouse. Anyway, I miss that space as it used to be.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Active 

Lots of energy

Giving it all you've got in the moment 
Controlled outbursts
Very important 

Monday, July 17, 2017

Bullied 

I used to be bullied at work. It happened to varying degrees, on-and-off, for several years. 


The gist of it was that there was a group of people at work who needed to feel like they were the "in-crowd." They did this by making big shows of how great friends they all were with each other. 


I was weak. Both in terms of my position in the company and my personality. They excluded me. They saw how hurt I was, and they didn't care at all. 


Even though I am not bullied now, even though I forgive them, I will always remember how it felt. 


Bullied 


I scream 

No one hears me

I kick 

I only waste my own energy 

I cry 

Seeing myself cry just makes me want to cry even harder 

I take a knife to myself 

Finally they cheer 
Advice 3

I'm on an advice roll. The topic for today is patience.


Not too long ago, I wrote a series of posts on patience and my struggles with it. Now I hope I can give some useful advice on it.


My advice for being patient is to practice it! Practice it as much as you can. There are no shortcuts for developing patience. 


Some encouragement that I can give is that the struggle to be patient is universal. You are not alone, far from it.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Advice 2 

More advice-giving today. The topic is leading a healthy lifestyle. 


My advice for leading a healthy lifestyle is to enjoy it! Enjoy exercise, enjoy eating well, enjoy sleeping/resting your body. 


One way to enjoy leading a healthy lifestyle is to experience how great it feels to be healthy. Good health is like a natural drug, a natural high. Then you'll want more of it, despite the work. Also, don't be too hard on yourself. Baby steps are good. 

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Advice 

Hi, I would like to give some advice today! The topic is being a well-rounded person. 


Being a well-rounded person means facing all major facets of life and being adequate in them. It's important because it's a natural way to be. 


My advice for being a well-rounded person is to be okay with just being adequate. A well-rounded person isn't spectacular in specific areas, but rather, has no major shortcomings in any of them. My other piece of advice is to be proactive about facing your greatest weaknesses.


In my opinion, a well-rounded person, though just average, is a pretty strong person :). 

Friday, July 14, 2017

I love everyone

Regardless of who you are,

what you do to me,
what you do to others, 
what you do for this world,

I see the best in you,

I see the potential in you,
I feel for you,
I want the best for you.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Mysterious 

I don't understand it

I will never understand it 
I will plunge right into it 
And that feels right 

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Honest

I love honesty. I love it, love it, love it. By the way, I don't think honesty is an excuse for, or the same thing as, excessive bluntness. I think honesty is commendable; excessive bluntness is not. I think the difference between the two is that honesty is not selfish while excessive bluntness is. 


I love honesty for this very reason...it's totally unselfish. When we lie to others, we gain the upper hand. We know something that they don't know. We diminish them. 


On the other hand, when we are honest with others, we put ourselves at their mercy. Who knows how they will handle the truth and how that will affect us? But it's more important to give them knowledge than to worry about the consequences for us. 


I think honesty is especially commendable because...it's so easy to lie. There are so many opportunities to lie, lying is so easy to do, and lying is easy to get away with. Honesty requires great self-control and unselfishness. 


I also don't believe in omitting the truth. That is, not saying anything when you know that the other person wrongly believes something. This may or may not be considered lying, but it's definitely selfish. 


Finally, white lies. This is a gray area for me. While lying is always bad, sometimes it's necessary for the greater good. Thus, white lies can be okay. But I think white lies should only be used sparingly and in extreme circumstances. I think it's easy to get into the habit of telling white lies often. I think it's usually ultimately better to tell the truth.


I'm passionate about honesty!

Monday, July 10, 2017

Feelings 

It's pretty obvious on my blog that I love feelings. Sometimes feelings get a bad rap because we don't control them when we should or because we're afraid of facing the unpleasant ones. But that's not a problem with feelings - that's a problem with us. 


I really think feelings are a gift. They're quite an experience. 


Feelings 


Intense 

A rush 
Natural 
A climax

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Guilt 

I operate a lot out of guilt. Well, I used to. So there are still remnants of that for me.


I'm not talking about the good kind of guilt...the kind where we know or sensed we've done something bad, and then we feel guilty about it.


I'm talking about a bad kind of guilt.  Guilt that comes from low self-esteem. I try to compensate for my low self-esteem by overly defining myself through achievement. I end up feeling like I'm never doing enough, and I feel a lot of unnecessary guilt. 


I would like to flush this bad kind of guilt out of my system. I may have grown up feeling and operating this way, but I can be totally different now.
Friendship 

Not feeling alone

Natural
Easy
Enjoyable

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Being a giver 

I think one hallmark of being an adult is a focus on giving rather than receiving. 


When our thoughts are fundamentally, "What can I do for others or the situation?", versus "What's in it for me?"


I think having this attitude requires constant self-monitoring. 

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Genuine laughter 

Back in April, I had to gather my coworkers for an information session at work about life insurance benefits. It was totally optional. Not many of them were interested. I felt bad for the presenters if barely anyone showed up, so I tried my best to get my coworkers to go.


Anyway, it ended up being a small, but decently-sized, group of us at the presentation. 


Before the presentation started, we were all sitting in the conference room, making small talk and just waiting for the presenters to start.


As we were doing this...for a moment, I sensed that...hey, we're all really getting along. The small talk doesn't feel awkward or boring or forced. Everyone seems involved in the group conversation and seems to be enjoying it (including me). There's genuine laughter amongst all of us. 


What was cool was that the group of us was a mix of people from very different departments. We were a diverse group of people.


I love it when very different people are able to come together in a group and really enjoy each other's company! This is my idea of the most genuine and the best social situation. It feels natural. 
A breakdown 

When I was in the middle of law school, almost ten years ago, I had a mental breakdown. 


It wasn't a temporary, small thing. It was sudden, severe, and heading towards being a permanent thing (going permanently crazy).


No one could see it. But there were things going on in me that were horribly wrong. It was only a matter of time before there would be horrible consequences that people could see. 


It wasn't a quarter-life crisis thing, it wasn't the pressures of law school, it wasn't the thought of practicing law which I wasn't suited for. Those theories trivialize what I went through. It was way deeper than that. 


Life felt extremely empty to me. So empty that it made me shiver. 


I'm serious about the shivering. One day, all of a sudden, my hands started shaking. One second they weren't, and then the next second they were. And they wouldn't stop shaking. Not for a second. It was all from my mental state. I knew that if something didn't change in my life, if something drastic didn't happen, this constant shaking was going to be permanent.


The only thing that could cure me was love. Great, abundant, overflowing love.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

I've been told at times that I give off a classy vibe. Something like that. I'm pretty sure it was meant as a compliment. While I never disliked hearing this or anything, I didn't care much for it either. I just didn't think that having a classy/elegant aura was super great or anything, not a big deal. Anyway, I think I should give myself more credit. 

Classy 


Self-control

Intelligent
Unique
Unforgettable

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Things I'm looking forward to:

-Wearing my new skirts/dresses

-Making new friends 
-The great unknown
In all my talking about myself here, I have not really talked about what I was like in high school. I've touched on it a little here and there, but I haven't focused on it really. 

I'm always curious to know what people were like back when they were in high school. I feel like this part of our history must reveal so much about us. Sure, we might not be the same people that we were back in high school (or maybe we are still very similar to that person), but who we were in high school does deeply affect us. I think of the high school years as our first foray into being an adult. 


I'm not exactly sure how to describe myself in high school. I was a lot of things.


I think I'll describe myself from the standpoint of how a guy in my high school probably viewed me. Not that this perspective means everything. I just think that it's an interesting way to think about this question. 


My guess is that a guy in my high school, if he knew me, probably thought of me as...


Super quiet, unfriendly, very concerned and successful with achievement, and totally unemotional. 


I was not popular with guys in high school. I can't even say that I was desirable in a mousy, meek sense. 


I wish I had something better to say about myself here, but I don't. Oh well.

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Taipei

In my mind, Taipei is the city of all cities. It is the epitome of a big city. Objectively, it's not the biggest city in the world or anything (however you want to define a big city), but how I feel about a city isn't based on objective factors. For me, Taipei is THE big city. 


Taipei feels huge and fast-paced to me. Everything seems to be more crowded, businesses and establishments are open so late, and it feels impossible to discover everything about the city. I feel so little. I'm in the presence of something great.
New York City

To me, New York City is a sophisticated city. It's for the best of the best. A race to be the best, a challenge. I love it. I think of really tall buildings in crowded and noisy streets. The crowded and noisy streets make the really tall buildings more impressive. The really tall buildings make the crowded and noisy streets more impressive. Everything is just impressive. I feel wonder. 


To me, NYC is also super cool, edgy, stylish. Trends start there. Ugly things are beautiful and artistic. It makes me want to explore different parts of myself--and the more different, the better. I feel like I will always be young. 


NYC makes me feel excitement. Lots of good, unpredictable things are happening there.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

I don't like admitting I'm wrong. It's very, very hard for me. With that said, here are some things that I have been wrong about recently. I'm admitting it.

-I thought that the animal shelter that I visited with my dad and sister was a kill shelter. I told them that, before and after we visited. I just assumed that that's how all animal shelters work. I was wrong. The animal shelter that we visited is no-kill. (Which is a relief to me, after seeing those animals!)


-I've been reading about the Bachelor In Paradise controversy involving alleged sexual assault. At first, I thought that the guy must be guilty in some way. After reading more about it, I changed my mind. I don't think he did anything illegal or even remotely illegal. As far as I know, I was wrong about him.


-My mom came back from Taiwan and bought a dress from there, for either me or my sister to claim. I took one look at it and dismissed it. I tried it on anyway. When I tried it on, I quickly realized that I was wrong for rejecting it! It fit me like a glove and looked good on me. Right away I thought about how it would be really nice to get more clothes from Taiwan, since this dress fit me so well.

Monday, June 26, 2017

San Francisco 

I am not really a city girl. I don't know what I am. A floater, maybe. I think I could hypothetically be okay living in a big city, suburb, small town, or farm. I don't believe I have a very strong preference for living in any one of these areas over the others.


So even though I'm not really a city girl, some cities simply make me feel so much (in a good way). When I think about them, when I think about being there...I feel something special. It's kind of a romantic feeling, but not exactly that either.


San Francisco is one of these cities. New York City is another one too (maybe I'll talk about it in the future). Taipei too. 


San Francisco is a dreamy city to me. It makes me think of the past, of longing, and of youthful idealism. 


Maybe it's because of the image of the clouds on the Golden Gate Bridge, the fog surrounding the city, the liberalism, the intriguing Pacific Ocean. I don't know.


Anyway, I just feel lucky that I get to feel so much. Some of my most special feelings come from the mystique and glamour of big cities.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Cooking 

There is something about cooking for someone. There is something about having someone cook for you. I would almost call it magical. 


It's not purely about the taste of home-cooked food, or the admirable effort and thought that goes into home-cooked food, or that home-cooked food is healthier (maybe) and cheaper than pre-made food...

Cooking warms the heart because it is such a tangible way of showing people that you enjoy taking care of them. Not just that you can take care of them and will do it, but that you actually enjoy it too.
Friendly chat 

-We were in a heat wave last week! I'm glad it's over now. 


-I've been enjoying my weekends. I'm not sure how the time can go by so fast doing absolutely nothing, but it does. I sleep, I eat, I watch random things on YouTube, I surf the internet...do some errands/chores...and then I sleep.


-I visited an animal shelter with my dad and sister last week for Father's Day. We were not looking to get a dog, but just learning more. Seeing those dogs broke my heart. I tried not to get attached and greatly limited my interaction with them, but still! I've just been thinking about those dogs, and dogs generally, because of that trip. I'm not in a place in my life right now to get a dog though. Someday, hopefully.


-I went to a jazz class last week and the teacher said something that really resonated with me. She said that we will never be at a place in dance and in life generally, when we can say, "I'VE ARRIVED!" (as in, I've made it, I know what I'm doing now). So we should just always embrace the moment right now :). 

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Humbleness struggle 

I have this thing. It's a really big thing in my life. Really big. 


Are you ready? 


I have this thing about wanting to be well-liked by a lot of people. I want to be popular! 


I want everyone to be mesmerized by my beauty and charm!


This attitude sure isn't right.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Thankfulness should be constant. Here are some things that I am thankful for:

-Hot showers. I love to feel clean. 


-Air conditioning. We're in a heat wave. 


-Using pure shea butter as lotion. I currently have four shea butter products that I regularly use. I love shea butter!


-Ice cream. I just discovered and really enjoyed eating Haagen-Dazs' Coffee Almond Crunch ice cream bars this last week. 

Thursday, June 22, 2017

A new goal

Goals are good. They keep us young! They're a bit scary too (what if I don't reach them? I don't want to be disappointed about not having something. I also don't want to feel like a failure). But I think the fear is the part that keeps us young!


My new goal is pretty simple. It's just a little something more to add to the back of my mind at times. 


It's to befriend someone who is much older than me, and someone who is significantly younger than me. That's two people. The level of friendship I'm looking for in both cases is being able to hang out one-on-one, for fun. 


I hope it happens!!!

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Steady 

Not shaken up often 

Almost always in the same good state 
An inner stability 
Takes constant effort

Monday, June 19, 2017

Plans 

Lots of possibilities 

They make me excited 
I can't do everything though
I choose the best to do
Then look forward to it

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Morning 

Wonderful day ahead 

Lots of possibilities 
Promising
Soak it all in

Saturday, June 17, 2017

No plan

Deliberately no commitment 

Possibilities become more exciting
Whatever ends up happening
You're already satisfied 
A gift to yourself
Friday night 

Tired

Happy
Celebratory 
Low-key

Friday, June 16, 2017

One year ago 

One year ago (generally speaking, not specifically today)...I was kind of okay. In some ways I was okay, and in some ways I wasn't okay.


Yeah. I wasn't completely one way or the other. But this answer is better than the answer I would have given last year, and all the years of my life before then since I've been old enough to think about this. Back then, my answer would have pretty much always been, "One year ago I was struggling", or worse, "One year ago I was in bad shape." 


So I'm pretty happy with my answer today.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Loyalty

What is the heart of loyalty? 


Loyalty means sticking with someone or something, even when it's incredibly difficult to. 


It's about living for something greater than yourself. 


I don't think I'm a disloyal person by any means, but I'd like to be a more loyal person.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Security

Stable

No danger 
Everything is okay and will be okay 
A safe bubble 
Nice to have from time to time

Monday, June 12, 2017

After yesterday's post, the natural topic for today's post is...new things (to me) that I have realized that I am good at! Here it is:

-I am good at singing on pitch when I concentrate. I have perfect pitch. I don't have a strong voice or big vocal range, but I can sing perfectly on key, and when I do that, it sounds good. I've known for awhile that I have perfect pitch, but I didn't know until recently how good this could make my singing sound. 


-I am good at being fairly open-minded/non-judgmental about people. It's about ultimately valuing people just for who they are as humans, and nothing else. This was a trait I developed. 


-I am good at convincing people of things through rational points. I am usually right in these situations. As long as I can get my emotions under control, I am good at this. 


That's it for now!

Sunday, June 11, 2017

As I go through life, my perception of myself changes. I see new good and bad things about myself. Here are some new things (to me) that I have realized that I am bad at:

-I am not good at interior decorating. I thought I would be good at it. It seems crafty and feminine and like something I would be good at. Myers-Briggs said I would be good at it (I'm an ISFJ). But I'm not good at it. I don't have an innate sense of style here.


-I am not good at standing up for myself. Okay, I always knew this, but I didn't realize just how bad I was. 


-I am not good at getting people excited about things. I am not a good promoter. I would be a terrible saleswoman for this reason. This is sad, because this is a skill that is beneficial in so many situations. 


That's it for now!
Beauty 

Magical

Desirable 
The best of the best
At the top
For this moment 

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Friday 

Nearing the end 

Relax a little 
And also push even harder 
Friday is a well-earned reward

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Using my brain really well

I've talked about how I am both good and bad at using my brain/being rational and logical. 


The one situation (a big one) where I struggle with using my brain is when I'm feeling insecure. I let my feelings take over. 


I think a lot of it has to do with lack of self-control. Anyway, I think I'm getting better at this now. 
Variety 

Fresh

Colorful
Wonderful 
Relaxing 

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Monday, June 5, 2017

I want to take a solo trip somewhere. Somewhere fun that I've never been to before. I'm not opposed to joining multi-day group tours. But I want it to ultimately be a solo trip in that I want to be in charge and call all the shots (such as deciding the destination, for how long, which tours to go on, basically everything). 

I want it to be a super fun trip. What exactly super fun means for me, I don't know what that is yet, but I trust that it'll come to me in time! 
I like being a girl

I'm not just proud to be female and proud of what females can accomplish (I'm a feminist). I really enjoy being female too. I really enjoy fulfilling a role in this world that only females can. It makes me feel special and lovely.

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Ode to time

Time gives us perspective 

Time reveals how things really are 
Time shows us what's really important 
Time heals us
Be kind 

Give

Share 
Put a piece of yourself out there
As much as you can 
And then a little more