Thursday, August 31, 2017

Independence is love 

I've been struggling to understand why independence is so very important. 

It's important for sustaining myself, I understand. For not being a burden on others. Even for being able to give back to others. But all that doesn't seem like enough to me, not enough to explain why I think independence is so very important. 

Independence means more to me than those reasons combined. 

Independence is love. Independence is love because we care about ourselves, like ourselves, and enjoy ourselves.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

I haven't used the word "independent" or "independence" in my posts lately, but I'm still on the topic of independence, since I started this series of posts on independence a few weeks ago. I've talked about, in no particular order:

Responsibility
Fear
Loneliness 
Handling reality
The importance of being dependent 
Being yourself, being different 

Independence is a large and complex topic. This makes me conclude that independence is hugely important, even more important that I initially thought. 

And I'm not done yet! I still have more to say about independence.

Monday, August 28, 2017

New ventures 

Disoriented 
Uncomfortable 
Fun
Mature 

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Gracefully handling reality

When I was in high school, I was required to take this class called "Health." Everyone treated it pretty much as a joke, just another thing to cross off our requirements list. I barely remember taking this class and what happened in it. I don't remember what kinds of things we were mainly learning about in it. I really only remember a few random things from this class.

However, one thing that has stuck with me from this class, firmly lodged itself as a thought in my subconscious being, is something the teacher said one day. Probably no one was really paying much attention, as usual. But for once, something the teacher said actually resonated with me.

She was talking about handling all the pressures of daily life. She gave examples. Being worried about this and that, stressed from this and that, upset about this and that, all in one day, every day. This is normal for everyone, she said. How do we get through our days gracefully, how do we cope with everything unpleasant we have to deal with in a day and still feel pretty good?

I had no idea. I wanted to know more and ask, "Yes, how?" But that would have looked really uncool of me to seem so interested in this class, and about such a personal topic, so I stayed silent. I never got my answer. Which is something I actually really need, so that's probably why this particular incident has remained in my memory for so long.

So this question is what I'm going to talk about today.

For a long time, I had this idea in my head that, one day, my life would be perfect (or very nearly perfect). Then, my life would finally be normal and like "everyone else's." I'm here to burst my bubble and declare that, this is a pretty dumb thought.

If we really care about things, if we are alive, if we have full hearts -- life is full of challenges and hardships, every day. And they are unpleasant. That's reality, if we choose to face it.

I currently have a huge list of things that I am worried about, am stressed about, am sad about, am upset about, am struggling with. It's too many things to list out.

Instead of waiting for the day that this list will be close to zero, how do I, as my teacher asked, face all these things every day and still feel pretty good?

There are many answers to this question, many things we can do to more gracefully handle reality.

And now, I'm going to offer one answer. I think it's a big one.

My answer is...to live for others. To truly care about the well-being of others.

If other people's well-being become what we primarily care about and live for, then we feel great all the time because we're always doing what we love most - giving.

The irony is that in order to feel good, we have to willingly give up our desire to feel good.

Friday, August 25, 2017

What responsibility looks like

I have this idea in my head that, in order to be responsible, I need to be...frazzled. Constantly. From doing too many things or having too many things to do. 


I think I got this idea of responsibility from the fact that, there's an idea in society that doing a lot of things equals self-worth. I think many women buy into this idea. The busier you are, the more important you must be. Right? Being way too busy, really stressed from a giant to-do list, is all like a badge of honor.


I don't think there's anything wrong with being super busy. But it isn't necessarily better or anything. Anyway, I have bought into this idea of how busyness equals self-worth, and this has warped my idea of what responsibility looks like.


So my new idea of what responsibility looks like is that...responsibility looks different for everyone. This isn't something I should be judging in the first place.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Responsibility, part 2

Purpose
Peace
Different 
Gentle 

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Responsibility 

Responsibility scares me. But it's for a reason that many people might not think. 


I think I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I always have been, for the most part. I'm smart and rational and can get things done.


But for me, for the way that I have to live my life, being responsible doesn't just mean taking care of myself. 


It also means taking care of others, just as much as I take care of myself, if not much more. 


This is central to me. 


I don't think I'm able to take care of others as much as I should. I'm being honest here. 


If I was in a position of power, I don't think I would have the heart, maturity, self-control, etc. needed to help those weaker than me. Gross, but true. 


And in general, I don't think I have the initiative and sacrificial nature needed to help others, not even necessarily those weaker than me, as much as I should. 


So that's why responsibility scares me. I don't think I'm capable of something, that for my own personal standards, I feel I need to be capable of.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Embracing fear, part 2 

Alive

Spectacular 
Magical
Invincible 

Monday, August 21, 2017

Embracing fear

I look at fear like it's a really bad thing. I don't think I have the right attitude towards fear at all.


Maybe fear can be kind of an enjoyable thing too. Maybe I can like walking into fear, a little.


This is really hard for me to do since I have always been so opposed to fear, but once I'm able to wrap my mind around this new concept...things feel thrilling.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Friday, August 18, 2017

Why I fear independence

As I mentioned in the start of this series of posts, I didn't like the idea of personal independence. I think a lot of that had to do with fear. I'm using the past tense, but maybe I should be using the present tense as well. Whew, this feels like a weight off my chest. 


I feared/fear...


loneliness. 


I suspect that many people do as well. I think we should talk about this issue, loneliness, more in society. 


I've talked about loneliness a few times here. Most notably, here and here. But I can and should talk about it a lot more, whether in person or in written form. 

Thursday, August 17, 2017

To be able to think plenty of your own wonderful, unique thoughts;

To be able to feel a wide range of emotions and feel complex emotions, fully;


To be able to meet new people and form all types of genuine relationships;


To be able to experience the thrill of adventure, big and small, on a regular basis;


Is truly a gift. 


Independence is also a skill. It takes heart, takes confidence, takes intelligence, takes experience. 

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Dependent 

Open

Soft
Kind 
Brave
Dependence 

I think that any discussion of independence must start with a discussion on dependence. 


Being totally dependent and totally independent are not mutually exclusive. They can coexist at the same time. It's just one of the mysteries of how this world works. 


So before I say anything else about independence in this series of posts, I want to stress the importance of being dependent. 


Specifically, being dependent on people. 


The more dependent, the better. 


This isn't weak. It's strong to be able to humble ourselves and to be able to trust others. 


Just as long as we're being equally independent, at the same time.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Independent 

I'm going to begin a series of posts on independence. Not in a political sense. In a personal sense.


When I was younger, I didn't like the idea of independence. Is that strange? I don't know. But I'll start here.


There's a lot to say!

Friday, August 11, 2017

I feel like I should do something nice for myself today. Something small, but nice. 

Certain people have been stressing me out these last few weeks, unrelated situations to each other. One situation was about issues that  I have with someone, that I should have dealt with by myself long ago. My fault for not doing that until now.


Maybe I'll go shopping or something, I'm not sure yet.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Guy friends

They cannot be close friends. That is the big rule. If you become close, one or both of you is going to want to be more than just friends. Then it becomes a different situation, for better or for worse.


It's good to have guy friends. Males are half the population, after all. You're bound to click with some of them, it's natural. 


Guy friends have a different perspective on things, they have knowledge and expertise in areas that traditionally women don't have, they are often really funny and entertaining, they don't get caught up in a lot of friendship dramas. 


They make life a little more full. 

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

After a long hiatus, I think I will start writing again (my stories). My emotions are strong and flowing! There's stuff to get out. For me, this is good.
Calm

Easy

Slow
Rational 
Wise 

Monday, August 7, 2017

My future 

My future is not going to be defined by what someone tells me is right for me. I'm not going to follow what my family, extended family, community, or culture tells me is right for me. The only reason I will follow something that others agree with is because it is in line with my own morals of kindness and forgiveness for everyone, justice, hard work, and letting go of control. There's nothing in my list about materialism or excessively trying to control life, which I think I often see in the environment around me. 


Also, I want to add something about filial piety, respecting elders, and respecting the community. These concepts are big in Asian culture. I'm Asian, and I totally believe in these concepts. But I think a lot of Asians would say that people need to respect their parents, elders, and community even when it's harmful to do so, and that's when I disagree with this thinking. 


Anyway, what I see in my future is: not being rich, working hard, love, and having a totally unpredictable life.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

You

You are cold and calculating, not caring about others. 

I wish for you to feel love and warmth. 

You are pure evil; you concentrate on doing the things that will hurt people the very most, for no reason. 

I wish for you to experience and know abundant goodness. 

You are full of a wisdom and peace and joy that I can't understand, that only comes from overcoming immense suffering.

I am thrilled for you. 

You are full of hatred and rage; this is the foundation of who you are.

I wish you the greatest peace.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Some ways to be more genuine

Being genuine is important, because then we're being honest. And honesty is important because it is the foundation of love. Without honesty, there's no love.


Anyway, we can always be more genuine. There is no limit to how genuine we can be.


-Make mistakes, lots of mistakes, in front of people (don't be afraid to)...and then admit them.


-Smile whenever you're enjoying something (wear your heart on your sleeve). 


-Show people all of your passions and hobbies.

Friday, August 4, 2017

Things I love, not just like (as in, things that make life seem so very meaningful)

Dogs. Puppies.

My short stories 
Cooking or baking for special occasions 
Being in nature by myself 

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Random, late mid-year, review

I can't believe it's already August. The year is more than half over. This feels really bizarre to me.


So about this year so far, since January, I want to say that...


I have faced difficult and unpleasant truths about every significant relationship in my life. The truths I faced in each relationship were unique to that relationship.


I guess I got to the point in my life where I could handle the fact that life is really, really not perfect. Every significant relationship in my life is not perfect, far from it, and will never be close to perfect. Oh well.


I don't find this depressing either, not really. I just accept it as a way of life.


So that's a major, underlying thing that's been going on for me this year.


Going forward, for the rest of this year, I want to say that...


I hope that I fully embrace the unknown. Enjoy the unknown. 

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Different ways to help people, give

-Talk to someone when he/she is bored or lonely. It doesn't matter if you're not a good conversationalist. He/she will probably be grateful just to have any conversation. 


-Find out what someone's favorite food is. Then make or buy it for him/her.


-Introduce people, or groups of people, to each other who you think would get along well as friends. (For clarification, I don't mean romantically or as potential dating partners). 


-Assume that everyone around you has lots of problems in their lives. For certain people of your choosing, work on gaining their trust so that you might be able to help them with their problems.