Wednesday, July 5, 2017

A breakdown 

When I was in the middle of law school, almost ten years ago, I had a mental breakdown. 

It wasn't a temporary, small thing. It was sudden, severe, and heading towards being a permanent thing (going permanently crazy).

No one could see it. But there were things going on in me that were horribly wrong. It was only a matter of time before there would be horrible consequences that people could see. 

It wasn't a quarter-life crisis thing, it wasn't the pressures of law school, it wasn't the thought of practicing law which I wasn't suited for. Those theories trivialize what I went through. It was way deeper than that. 

Life felt extremely empty to me. So empty that it made me shiver. 

I'm serious about the shivering. One day, all of a sudden, my hands started shaking. One second they weren't, and then the next second they were. And they wouldn't stop shaking. Not for a second. It was all from my mental state. I knew that if something didn't change in my life, if something drastic didn't happen, this constant shaking was going to be permanent.

The only thing that could cure me was love. Great, abundant, overflowing love.

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