Wednesday, March 15, 2017

I'm watching my sister make a bad decision. Not just a small, harmless one either.

I've watched her make the same mistake in the past. This is the third time now. It has to do with guys.

The last two times, my parents eventually intervened and put an end to it. If they hadn't, she would have lost herself to the point of no return. It's okay to make mistakes. But if you go too far down the road, make too big of a mistake, sometimes you're too far down to be able to climb your way back up again. There's too much to get through. 

I can't tell you how hard it was for me to watch her go through this in the past. Especially the second time it happened. Almost from the moment that she started something with him, I knew that it was horrible, horrible, horrible.

I come across as really judgmental, probably misinformed, and way too overly emotional when I talk about how I don't support the relationship, from the very beginning. To everyone else, her relationships look somewhat promising. My parents, even though they took action later, don't understand where I'm coming from either in the beginning. They're also supportive in the beginning.

Someone even accused me of being jealous of my sister, which was annoying because it was insulting and couldn't have been further from the truth. I want better for my sister than for myself.

I am in so much pain seeing my sister making such a big mistake and not being able to do anything about it. I am in pain being so misunderstood and so disbelieved by everyone around me. This is such a difficult situation to be in. I try my best, though even then I'm still not handling it optimally.

I start to question myself and wonder if I really am the crazy one, even though I know that I understand things about the situation and my sister that no one else does.

I understand her desperation to be in a relationship or to be close to a guy, in order to fulfill loneliness and unhappiness. I understand her total inability to be rational in these situations. I am the same way. We were raised in the same environment. I understand just how unhappy and lonely we have both been, how immature we both are, and how much it will take for each of us to overcome these deficiencies now.

I see how her relationships with these guys start. She gives up too much, all of it, right away. I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about emotional intimacy. She finds guys who are willing to dive straight into intimate conversations with her, both of them revealing all their most personal thoughts and feelings to each other, right away. 

There's no establishment of any boundaries or independence, for either of them. I cannot condone her for doing this. But I especially cannot condone a guy for behaving this way. Generally, men crave independence in relationships. When I see guys behaving so differently than how they are supposed to behave by nature of being men, I know that something is really off with them. I don't have to meet these guys to know that they are bad news.

I can't believe she's doing this a third time now. I feel so incredibly disappointed in my sister right now. But she's still my sister. 

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