Friday, January 13, 2017

Using my brain

Well, this is embarrassing, but I don't think I use my brain well. I mean, I think I can get overly, unhealthily carried away by my emotions. I feel vulnerable discussing this right now. 

I guess I'm weird. Due to my training and background, when I WANT to use my brain and logic and rational thinking, I can be great at it. I make connections and stuff pretty well, decently well.  

And there ARE a lot of situations actually, where I do tap into this side of myself very easily, very naturally. Just the way it should be.

Such as...situations involving work and getting a job done. Practical matters such as buying things or planning things. Understanding intellectual or complex discussions in general.

But then, there are other situations, where I flat-out suck at using my brain. 

Actually, I think that this happens basically in one situation, but it's a big one:

Whenever my insecurity takes over. This can happen in love. At work. Wherever. Anywhere.

I don't even realize that I have a brain to use, in these situations. Never mind actually using it.

I've been slowly learning to use my brain more in these situations, more and more, and I feel like I'm dying (that my inner self is dying) when I do this. It is HAAAARD for me.

Um, I can't really imagine a day when I have conquered this problem to manageable levels.

I think I need to be more optimistic and do some visualization exercises, or something.

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