Sunday, October 30, 2016

Things I may do today...or...I may not. Shrug. 

Make dumplings for the week

Take a walk or exercise 
Cook other food to eat today (instead of buying takeout)
Run errands, do anything productive
Thoughts that are going through my head when I practice ballet (besides remembering what step I'm on):

Use your core!!!

Support your elbows 
Strong arms 
Turn out your feet 
Graceful curved hands 
Keep your legs straight 

Thoughts I might be kind of thinking about, but not really, because I don't have enough bandwidth:


Head straight 

Graceful, long neck 
Eyes straight ahead, not down at the ground 
Point your feet harder, flex your feet harder 
Shoulders down
Relaxed face, smile, breathe 

Thoughts I'm consciously telling myself to ignore for now, but that I need to remember to examine when I have more time:


You need to study and perfect your first position arms 

You need to figure out your arms, overall 
You need to study and perfect your starting position without the barre 

It's so pretty, so it's worth it.

Friday, October 28, 2016

I'm not sure what to write about today. One of my coworkers, one who I don't like and never trusted after she told me I wasn't invited to happy hour (to my face) a few years ago, but I still remained on professional and courteous terms with...well, she emailed my boss complaining about me. I didn't do anything wrong. It was so petty, and she made me look bad. 

I had no idea she was complaining about me like this. She just went behind my back, basically.

I explained the situation to my boss after my boss asked me about it, so I cleared that situation up, hopefully.

I never did anything to this chick. I don't really care about her much, honestly, besides being a coworker. Sometimes she's nice. Then, she does stuff like this out of the blue. Why does she go out of her way to like...hurt me?

I keep wondering why. Did I do something to her? Or does she want something from me? Or is she going through a rough time? 

I know she's not a nice person (even though she acts like it sometimes), but this answer alone doesn't seem to satisfy me...

Well, I think this is the only answer I'm ever going to get. Sure, there may be other little reasons to trigger her mean behavior towards me, but the biggest reason is...she's just mean.

Deep down, I know this.

So, related to this whole incident, another co-worker just straight-up lied to my face. I found out after the fact.

Up until now, I had thought he was fine. I liked him okay as a person.

Now...I understand that he lied to me because he's a coward. I don't think he's a terrible person for doing this necessarily. Though I did lose a lot of respect for him, obviously.

But the point is...it feels absolutely horrible to be so blatantly lied to. 

With all this said, I had been thinking about baking Halloween brownies for the office on Monday. I was only thinking about it, not for sure, because I've had problems with kindness lately. Anyway, these certain people won't stop me. I'll still do what I had been building myself to do anyway, which is to be kind.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

The Princess of the Place

I have the prettiest eyes
Because they're kind

I walk around in the most dazzling clothes
Because they fit me well

I have the nicest hair
Because I like it unpredictable and free

I have golden shoes
Because they make me feel weightless

I have a beautiful face
Because there are good thoughts behind it

And this is what it feels like
Being a princess

Wednesday, October 26, 2016


These are some images that inspire me for the purse I want to sew. Then I started leaning towards making a drawstring bag instead. So, I don't know! I have to keep it simple though. I mean, it'll be my first sewing project ever.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

The interesting paradox of ballet

Which is really the interesting paradox of me

And maybe why I love ballet in my soul...

If there's one, tangible activity or thing that represents perfection in this world...

To me, it's ballet. Ballet is all about achieving perfection. When you dance ballet, you aim to be perfect.

Perfection is the very definition of ballet. It's in the details. Ballet is all about the details.

The paradox is that ballet forces you to demand perfection, while at the same time, you will actually never be perfect.

And this is the way I operate with almost anything I really care about, not just ballet. I am a perfectionist. I go for perfection. I have high standards. It makes life worth living for. But at the same time...I have to admit that I will fall short.

This paradox is so mentally frustrating to go through most of the time! I struggle.

But when I do achieve a balance, it's just great.

Monday, October 24, 2016

Writing Challenge

This is just for fun. I found it online. The rules are:
1. No more than 750 words. 
2. The prompt is "The questions mounted up." I don't actually have to use this as a first line, but this is a starting point.
Here's my piece!
____

The questions mounted up. Sadie frowned, puzzled. Then she put on her black detective cap and pushed her black-rimmed glasses up her nose again. She felt she worked better as a detective when she looked like one too. And right now, she really needed to put all her smarts and sound judgment to good use. 

Sadie looked at the crime scene around her. Just a few minutes earlier, she had thought she had it all figured out.

***

The principal of Lockwood High School had frantically called her this morning. His briefcase had been stolen from his office.

Sadie had rushed over to the school at once. After reviewing the evidence, Sadie was almost sure that the janitor had stolen it. 

The janitor had definitely been in the principal's office, and when Sadie had questioned her, she had no defense except that, "It wasn't me." The janitor had also been weirdly going around asking students for extra jobs, extra money, lately. Sadie was almost sure that it was the janitor.

Case closed! Sadie took one last look around the principal's office.

Just then, she noticed a student walking by the principal's office. Sadie thought she would try to get some information from him.

"Hi! I'm Sadie. I'm here to investigate a recent theft. Mind if I ask you some questions about your school? It'll be quick."

"Uhh..sure."

"Great! What's your name?"

"Todd."

"And how long have you been a student here?"

"What?!" he asked, sounding surprised. "Oh, um, I don't know. Oh, um, 2 years?" Todd said, sounding unsure.

Weird, Sadie thought, silently to herself. Well, maybe I'm just intimidating or he's awkward. She moved on.

"What do you think about the janitor, Lola?  Any impressions of her?"

"Oh. Lola? Uh...no, not really. I don't really know. Sorry." 

"Oh okay. Well, thanks for talking to me. I won't keep you up. Enjoy the rest of your lunch!" Sadie said to him.

"Thanks!" Todd said. He flashed her a grin. "I'm going to the donut shop. Have a nice day!" He waved to her and left.

Sadie waved back at him. Then, it hit her. The donut shop? Strange. She had never seen a high school student there at lunch before. It was a place mostly old, retired men went to.

Suddenly, this case didn't seem so clear-cut to her anymore. There was something strange about Todd...

***

Sadie sat at the donut shop with her back to the next table, pretending to read a book. Sitting in back of her, at the next table, was Todd and an older man.  

They didn't seem to notice her. They were too engrossed in their conversation. 

Sadie took out her special recorder and cleverly hid it in her jacket sleeve.

She quickly realized that the older man was Todd's father. They were having a quiet, but intense, conversation.

"I did everything you told me to...you said that after this, we could go back to Arizona." Todd whined to his father.

Sadie guessed that Arizona was where they were from. Wait! And the principal is from Arizona too! Sadie remembered that he had gone to the state college there.

"Henry took everything from me!" Todd's father replied indignantly.

Henry was the school principal. Sadie listened even more intently.

"Yes, I know..." Todd replied wearily, as if he had heard this many times before.

"Everything! Ten years ago! He made me invest all my money in that stupid scheme! It was the end of me! I lost everything!!! Nothing's been the same since!"

He paused for a few seconds before continuing.

"Henry should have helped me out after that. He really should have. He failed me. He failed me. And look at me now. Look at us now. Always scraping by to make ends meet. It was only right for us to take that briefcase, Todd. Now we have his bank accounts, information, everything. We deserve this!"

Bingo! Sadie got it all on her recorder. She calmly walked outside to make an important phone call to her boss.

"Chief, I got them."

Less than ten minutes later, Sadie triumphantly watched as the police entered the donut shop and then walked out of it, with both Todd and his father in handcuffs. Sadie had done her job, and she had done it well.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

I have been getting a lot (relative for me) of compliments on my outfits to work this last week. I don't dress to receive compliments or to try to look better than other people. Though I can feel myself going down this slippery slope and let it get into my head. I'm like that. Every now and then I need a good wake-up call to put me in my place and remind me that I'm ugly and repulsive too. I guess as an adult I need to be that wake-up call for myself?

I'm currently wearing a faded black sweatpants-like thing, absolutely shapeless. I'm wearing an old, oversized Aeropostale sweatshirt, and I'm sure there are stains on it. I tied my hair in a messy ponytail because I don't want to deal with it. I'm wearing my glasses. 


Yep, this is the REAL me!

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Friday, October 21, 2016

Pain

I see it in your eyes 
And yours 
It's not there at the surface 
But I see it, deeply etched 
So I know that pain is universal

A lot of people spend their whole lives denying it and blocking it out 
They become so good at this they don't know what they do
They lose something 

There is nothing pleasant about pain
The only pleasant part of it is the release from it 

It chokes me
It covers my eyes so I can't see
It grows thicker and stickier 
So I can't escape it

It pounds me from all sides and beats me up
I try to lift a foot 
I'm met with an even more brutal whack 

Whack, whack, whack 

And more whack 

Blackness 
The blackest kind of black there is 

And that's when I know I've won
When I can say to pain,
"I see you for all that you are--
You are very, very, very, very, very black"

It doesn't haunt me anymore 
It releases its chokehold on me 

I will never forget it

But it just doesn't haunt me anymore

Thursday, October 20, 2016

I feel like picking up a new hobby that involves crafts. I like crafts. I've always liked crafts. I remember when I was a kid, I really enjoyed crafty things:

*I got a kid sewing machine for Christmas (it didn't do very much), but I loved it! 
*Paper/stationary making. One time I went to some kind of fair, and there was a booth to make your own paper. It was really pretty paper, very dense, almost cloth-like, and pastel colored. 
*When I was in third grade, our whole class did a "stitchery" unit. A woman came over for a few weeks to teach us, and we all got our own square frame to stitch. We learned all kinds of stitches. I really, really looked forward to the stitchery time. 

I'm not sure what kind of crafting activity I want to do. 

I want to make something pretty!

I would love to make my own book one day. Since I like to write anyway, this would be the perfect mix of writing and crafts. I could make my own paper, bind it together somehow, include pretty decorations inside the pages.

Maybe I'll try sewing a little purse or something. I think that would be fun.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Random, interesting things (to me) that other people have recently told me about:

-My coworker told me about a beer duck she made for a potluck. It was a duck she cooked in beer for a couple hours. I've never heard of beer duck, but it sounds delicious! I like eating Peking duck, and I like eating beer-battered things. There's also Chinese Drunken Chicken (chicken cooked in wine), which is pretty delicious. (I'm just trying to imagine what beer duck would taste like). 

-One of the women at the dance store told me about how tap dancing is very popular among adults in the Bay Area. I had no idea! How cool! I don't think I'm much of a tap dancer, but I think it's very interesting to watch!

-My coworker has been talking to me about Oktoberfest in Germany. Okay, this I did know about, but it wasn't something I ever thought much about. She definitely wants to go. She makes me want to go!

-The woman at the sandwich shop I sometimes buy sandwiches from at lunch told me about a sewage problem she had to investigate herself because the landlord wouldn't look into it. It smelled bad outside the shop. This made me realize a little how hard people in the food industry work. They wear many different hats.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Simple joys

-Sunny days in October
-A filling and nutritious breakfast 
-Friendly smiles from coworkers
-Using a nice hair shampoo and conditioner
-My boss not being in the office so I feel chill
-Drinking hot water. The warmth feels nice.

Monday, October 17, 2016

I have a cute outfit on today! Hooray! 

Yes this makes me happy :).

I'm wearing a knee-length jean skirt, white sweater, and of course, my new Toms (see last Monday's post).

My hair is tied back in a decent-looking, slicked-back ponytail.

It's a complete outfit!

This just makes me happy.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

I'm going to be very vulnerable today. I'll share with you all just what kind of state I used to be in before I tried turning myself around. I feel vulnerable sharing this. I'm not sure how well I can convey these things accurately, and I feel anxious about sharing such deep and negative things about myself.

I was 25 years old. My life on the outside looked fine. Always had, for the most part. I came from a stable family. I was an obedient girl. I never got into trouble. I got almost straight A's in high school, went to a good college, and now was in the middle of studying law at a good law school. It was everything everyone who knew me, had predicted of me. Everyone approved.

And this was what I lived for. My whole life. I hadn't known any other way to live. I lived for a life that looked good on the outside. There's short term pleasure in having a good-looking life on the outside. And it's pretty easy, relatively easy, to do this.

But inside, I was completely dead.

I don't think I'll ever be able to convey to people how dead I was inside. This is why I feel so misunderstood all the time, I think. But I'll try. Here are some things that might give people some clue.


***

First of all, keep in mind, that for everything I'm going to list out here, I was already 25 years old. I was an adult. Set in my ways, to some extent. My point is, these things were deeply ingrained in me.

-I did not know what an emotion was. I didn't understand this concept. A few years after I turned 25, a friend was explaining to me how I'm supposed to feel my feelings and just let them pass through. I didn't know what he was talking about because I remember thinking to myself, what are feelings? I had thought to myself before, that the only feeling I had ever known was "depression." And even then, this was a very muted feeling to me. Mostly, I just always felt "very unhappy, very down." I don't think this was a feeling really, but more a state of life.

I didn't know what feelings were, I didn't know that there are many different kinds of feelings people can feel, I didn't know that I repressed my own feelings so that was why I never felt anything.

I didn't know that I had a personality type that actually feels a lot of things.  This is my real personality. I never had any clue. I don't think anyone around me did either. I had convinced myself and everyone so well.

-I was so out of touch with my physical body. Our physical bodies are the most primal, foundational part of ourselves. So this was how out of touch I was with myself. Let me give you an example:

I never really understood the most primitive concept of eating - eating out of hunger. I often never felt hungry, even when I wasn't eating as much as I should have been.

This was largely because I simply detached myself from my physical body, in a way. I didn't want to feel what was real about me.

It is only recently, for the first time in my whole life, that I have been able to  feel my body calling out to me from even slight pangs of hunger.

And why I can consistently eat three, full meals a day now, out of the primal idea of sustenance.

-It shouldn't come as too much of a surprise that I was very out of touch with my sexuality.

When I was in my twenties, I remember the concept of "bad boys" occasionally crossing my mind whenever girls brought it up. They felt attraction. I thought to myself, "How odd. I don't get it."

It's normal to feel some underlying sexual excitement here.

But I felt no lust. I felt no basic animal instincts. I felt no excitement from the  polar attraction between the sexes.

Like everything else I've just listed above, I actually have a very healthy appetite in this area. I just didn't know because I had become so good at repressing it.


***

So hopefully all of this gives you a better idea of me. Maybe you're wondering how I got to be this way at age 25. Well, there is no easy answer to this, but the short answer is that much of it had to do with my upbringing.

When I started trying to get more in touch with myself, find all these deep parts of me that I had repressed and basically almost lost for forever, I had to be very careful not to swing too far the other way either. I was aware of the repercussions of being too inappropriately emotional or acting out too much on sensual and sexual desires.

It was all very hard.

Saturday, October 15, 2016

I'm currently not talking to any of my family members (my mom, dad, and sister). Not necessarily all for the same reason though. This happened very recently. 

I don't think it's vengeful. I hope not. I'm just hurt. So I'm keeping my distance. I don't even think my dad knows that I'm deliberately choosing not to talk to him, since I don't talk to him that often anyway.

I don't know how it is for other people, but unless someone has the absolute perfect parents and siblings...I don't see how issues can't flare up from time to time. 

In that case, sometimes the answer is to just let the issue go and continue on as normal, peacefully and happily with each other.

Or sometimes the best solution is to talk it out. 

But, sometimes I think it's okay to deliberately distance ourselves. Either to recover from the hurt, and/or to protect ourselves. Which is where I'm at right now, and it just so happens to be with all my family members. 

I don't think this means that I have a dysfunctional relationship with any of them necessarily. I think that this is actually a very normal thing to have happen, if we're close to our family members and are honest with ourselves when certain things bother us.

These are my preliminary thoughts on the matter. I'm trying to figure these things out as I go along.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Last year, we decorated the office for Halloween. In my mind, we did an awesome job. It created a festive atmosphere, and it was very cheap.

This year, I think we'll do the same. I want it to be a little different from last year. I think I'll put my own fun spin on it, but I'm not sure how yet. I'll go to the dollar store and be inspired.

As long as I feel like I'm celebrating fall, then it's all good!

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Enjoying this moment

It could be loud outside
Or it could be quiet
It doesn't matter

It could be beautiful outside
Or it could be gray
It doesn't matter

This is an inner peace and contentment
It feels like my soul is healthy

The scars from my past
Are made beautiful through forgiveness
Not scars anymore, but interesting bumps

The troubles in my life currently
Are simply challenges to be taken on, nothing more

In this moment, I feel love
Love for others
Love for myself
Love for something that's bigger than myself

And so I sit here
Relishing this moment

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

A large tree, hundreds of years old, standing beautifully in a large forest. The forest goes on for miles and miles and miles. There seems to be no beginning nor end to this forest.

There are many other trees likes this one in the forest, but this tree, in particular, stands out above all the rest. It's bigger and taller. Its branches more multitudinous and twisted. Its color, dark brown, a richer shade of brown than the other trees. It stands, stately and firmly rooted in the ground.

The forest is very brown. There are trunks and branches everywhere, and soil. Upon closer inspection, there are little mysteries and charms in every corner of the forest.

Silver threads dangling through the air, interwoven with each other, creating an intricate web of ethereal, sparkling threads. Little diamonds, in all different shapes, perched among the various trees.

This is the enchanted forest, where many mysteries are just waiting to be discovered.
...

And cue back to reality. I'm practicing my imagination.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

The opposite of loneliness is love

It feels like yellow
with light pink
and pale sky blue
and gold

It feels like I care about others
and they care about me
it goes both ways

Soft blue
fuzzy yellow
bright spiky pink

I feel swirls in the air
free
with energy

I see people
and I imagine them all smiling

Monday, October 10, 2016


I found my shoe

I wrote this post earlier about finding an everyday pair of shoes to wear with dresses and skirts. I had a long list of requirements.

I found it! It's the Toms Majorca Mule.

This may sound silly, but in a way, I feel complete :).

Sunday, October 9, 2016

The Lord's Prayer 

I love the Lord's Prayer. It always makes me remember what's important about life. I get the bigger perspective. I think it is the best prayer. I can't really put in words what this prayer does for me and what it means to me. 

I'll let it speak for itself. 

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name. 
Your kingdom come,
your will be done, 
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, 
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, 
but deliver us from evil.
Disappointed in people

The more I see of this world, the more I am disappointed with it. 

People who are both kind and evil, nice and mean. They're super two-sided. They are genuinely nice at times...and then, they are also genuinely not. I don't like them at all. 

People who are so calculated, about how to get the best things for themselves, that they become so cold and are inherently unfeeling/caring about others. I don't like these people. 

But the good thing is...that the more I see of this world, the more I am astounded by it. I have seen lots of very good things from people. These people amaze me. 

So I'll concentrate on my amazement, and not my disappointment.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Doing something nice for myself

I don't really do nice things for myself...

It's weird.

I mean, sometimes it looks like I'm doing nice things for myself...

I buy myself nice food to eat.
I buy myself nice clothes.
I give myself time to relax.
I spend some time on my hobbies. 
I splurge on an expensive photo frame for childhood photos of myself.

And in doing these things, I AM doing nice things for myself. But for me, doing these things is ALSO, always mixed in with a sense of duty that fully justifies doing them. Such as,

I have a duty to take care of my body.
I have a duty to look presentable in public.
I have a duty to take care of myself mentally.
I have a duty to be me, fully me. 

I am a VERY duty-oriented gal!

That's all fine and stuff, but I think I should also do something nice for myself once in awhile, just because. No other attachments.

I really want to try out one of the meal-kit delivery services, PeachDish. I don't have any other reason for wanting to do this, other than because I think it would be so fun!

So I ordered two meals: Chicken & Dumplings, and Orecchiette with Broccolini!

This is definitely my treat for myself! I don't want to treat myself all the time...but once in a very little awhile :).

Thursday, October 6, 2016



Memories from last fall

-We decorated the office for Halloween, especially in the lobby. It was pretty nice. I tried keeping the decorations fun and fall-like, versus spooky. I looked for orange decorations and colorful characters. I bought all the decorations at the dollar store, which was great. It was so cheap!

Super fun experience, super fun-looking lobby.


-I tried baking my first pie by myself. It was a blueberry pie. It was a disaster. I tried cutting in the butter with my fingers, which totally did not work at all. 

My pie was brown, and it tasted tough like cardboard. Though it did look a little pretty because I had made a lattice top.

I was both proud of myself for making a pie, and terribly scarred by this experience. 


-Thanksgiving day, I had these plans to bake/cook something to bring to Thanksgiving dinner at my cousin's house. 

The day started out wonderfully. I had slept in, and I felt the holiday spirit in the air.

Sometime around noon, I heard a loud "bang" outside the house. I quickly learned that the water heater had broke.

I knew nothing about appliances. I was really frazzled. It was also impossible to replace the water heater, because it was a holiday. 

I scrapped all plans to cook/bake something for Thanksgiving dinner. I took a cold shower before heading out.

This definitely wasn't how I had planned my Thanksgiving would go. But it was memorable!

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Everything around me looks the same
On the outside
No changes, nothing different
There's nothing to see

It's there in the air
The air feels different
There's something brewing there

I can feel what's coming up

But of course, you never really know
There's still always that hidden element of
Surprise!
In life

It's very wonderful
With a very real dash of scary

Exciting, tense, thrilling
Anticipation

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Personal, recent movie reviews 
(definitely not from a film critic POV)

I am not a film critic and am not sophisticated enough to view movies as an art. I just watch them for enjoyment and if they make me feel/think something. That's all!


Sully:

Okay, I loved this movie. I watched it in IMAX, which was definitely part of the whole experience for me. I think watching it in IMAX was an integral part of the experience actually, especially for the scenes during the actual flight, landing, and rescue. You REALLY feel like you're actually there.

The acting was great. Tom Hanks was great. The rapport between the two main characters was great (the pilot and his co-pilot). The actors really got across the different layers of their friendship and relationship. 

This wasn't your typical action or drama movie. It was shot in a very realistic fashion (and well), so it almost had a documentary-like feel to it.

I thought the plotline with the government agency investigation was interesting and handled pretty well. Maybe some of it was dramatized, I don't know, but on the whole, everything in this movie seemed pretty subtle. I didn't feel like there were outright villains. Just humans, being imperfect, and making their way through an imperfect world.

Anyway, the one thing I really liked about this movie, above all else, was how it really explored one character: Sully, the pilot. To me, this wasn't really a movie about the flight landing or the subsequent investigation. It was an exploration into the deep, inner workings of the human soul. (Kind of like what my blog is?)

There were issues of...

Doubt, to the point where you wonder if you are crazy. Integrity. Why does the media, and society, and the masses, celebrate certain (almost useless?) things? Believing in yourself. Not getting caught up in hype. How reality - what people think of you, how the media portrays you - can be so different from another reality, what's actually going on inside of you. 

There was so much good stuff there! I can't sift through it all.

I feel like, all of this meaning could only have been achieved through a director such as Clint Eastwood, who has clearly lived through a lot and has the experience/wisdom to tell a human story such as this.


Bridget Jones Baby:

I really enjoyed watching this movie, but I didn't like it.

I'll explain myself.

I laughed a lot. The actors were comical, the plotline was funny, the writing was clever, and I was on the edge of my seat the whole movie. I was never once bored.

Also, I just have to say this: Renee Zellweger has aged a lot. So has Colin Firth. But I think it's different for women. I thought she was brave for putting herself out there. They show her, wrinkles and all. She's not really covered in too much makeup. 

I didn't like this movie because I didn't like how the movie handled its basic premise (having a baby and not knowing who the father was because of various relations).

I understand that we live in a modern age, but to me, this is not what a family should be. Something's still lost. A lot is still lost, if this is the definition of family.

This movie just depressed me.

Bridget Jones Baby, after the laughs were over, just left me feeling...sad. To be honest, I kind of wish I hadn't watched it.

Monday, October 3, 2016

Being kind

At the present moment, I don't think I'm terribly kind. I don't think I'm mean. I'm just not kind.

Even if I say "yes" to a lot of things to people (see earlier post). Those "yesses" aren't being kind; there I'm motivated primarily by guilt/fear of repercussions (so it's actually selfish in a way). I'm not motivated primarily because I want to help others.

I used to be a lot more kind. I used to bake cookies and bring treats for people in the office. Just to make people happy - no other motive. I used to volunteer at the Boys & Girls Club because I wanted to help kids. Etc.

I'm actually a little bit sad that I seem to have lost my kindness. But, I have no one to be upset at for this except myself.

I feel like I could write a children's book, "The Girl Who Lost Her Kindness." Yes, I'm being melodramatic.

I have a $1 McDonald's gift certificate sitting in my wallet. (I didn't buy it myself. I got it at church). I don't want to tell you how long it's been sitting there. 

I'm giving this gift certificate to the next homeless/begging person I see.

And maybe I'll buy a few more after that.
I started reading this book, Boundaries. It has a Christian focus, but I think it's equally helpful to everyone.

If you haven't heard of it, this book is all about our relationships with people - how to establish our boundaries. We want to be true to ourselves and be individuals when we deal with people, but we also don't want to to be overly rigid.

In general, I give too much of myself to people. Whether it's my time, energy, or just letting them in. I have to say "no" more often.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being no problem, and 10 being the worst, I'd say I'm at about a...7?

NO.

It's not really a large part of my vocabulary.

But it should be!

Saturday, October 1, 2016

My favorite baking recipes

When I do bake...it's almost always for one, main reason:

I want to eat that thing.

I guess I tend to crave the tried-and-true, classic desserts!
Chocolate chip cookies
These are crispy and soft, and they have a good taste to them.

Rice krispie treats
The secret is to melt the butter sloooowly.

Brownies
These are chewy brownies! Not too soft nor too dense. This is my number one criteria for a good brownie.

Pie
There is no recipe really...but my "secret" to a good pie crust is to use an all-butter crust. Versus shortening. I find that the flavor is better, and I feel healthier about the ingredient choice.

As for pie filling, I like using really fresh fruit, and I try not to mix it with too many other ingredients.

Blueberry muffins
I don't like overly sweet or dense muffins. These muffins have yogurt in them, and they taste light and fresh. I also don't make the dipping sauce; I just eat and serve the muffins as-is.

Pound cake, Banana bread
I have yet to find recipes that I like for each of these. I'm leaning towards recipes that use some sour cream/yogurt in them...in my experience, this helps the loaves taste less dry.
These desserts represent something extra-nice in this world :).