Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Jesse unexpectedly showed up at the office yesterday as part of our sales conference this week (he works at headquarters now). I guess I could have known he would be coming at some point this week, if I had known the schedule ahead of time or talked to certain people about it. But I didn't, and I didn't know he was coming until I literally saw him walking up to the door.

I think I should explain a little how it was the last time I saw him, when he left the US office. To put it lightly, it was really bad between us. Though it didn't feel like the end. 

So, I actually wasn't too weirded out, or even surprised, when I saw him come in yesterday. That wasn't weird.

The weird part is not really knowing how to interact with him. I'm not mad at him anymore. I don't get the sense that he's mad at me. But it's still weird to see each other in person, for the first time, after so many months, considering how it was the last time we saw each other. There isn't any protocol for how to act around each other right now.

We didn't say much to each other, but it seemed okay.

The ball is in his court. I know what I want from him. A commitment, and in a timely fashion. 

But it's so awkward between us right now. He's the guy. I assume he knows how to drive this thing and diffuse the awkwardness. I don't know how long it would take for this awkwardness to go away either. But that's not my job to figure out. 

So I'll just sit back and see what happens. 

In the meantime, he didn't come into the office today. The conference is still going on, but I guess he doesn't have to be here today for it, and I guess he doesn't want an excuse to see me either. 

At first, I was so crushed (as in, this morning). I felt rejected. You see, from the minute he walked in yesterday, I have been nothing but obsessed with him. I basically forgot about everything else in my life. All he had to do was walk in, and look what happened to me instantly. Even if I don't act on it, I am a clingy girl, in spirit. 

But because he's not here today, it's forced me to get my bearings and remember that there are other important things in life. 

I am super, duper clingy.

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