Friday, July 29, 2016

Changes

As I write this, I hear Tupac's "Changes" playing in my head. That happens to me sometimes. Does it ever happen to you? I hear songs that are related to the things I'm experiencing/feeling/thinking in that moment.

(But this post is not about racism or what Tupac was rapping about. It's just about change).

I am horrible at dealing with change. I don't adjust well or quickly to new environments, situations.

Part of it is, I think I just attach a lot of sentimental value to what I had before. I'm attached. I don't want to let go! My heart.

I got a lot of feelings, man!

Let me illustrate. I'm using small examples, and you can see how bad I am.
-My phones: I am perpetually unable to let go of the phone I have and upgrade to the newer model. Even if it greatly inconveniences me, I still hold onto it for as long as I can. I had a flip phone all the way until the beginning of 2013. I did not want to venture into the land of smartphones. I liked flip phones! I didn't want to let go of that era. 
I finally got an iPhone 5 in 2013. I've been using it ever since. I KNOW I have to upgrade! My phone is in bad shape. But my phone is like a person to me! It's been with me through so much! I'm attached to it; I have feelings here. 
Darn technology forcing me to continually keep up :(. There's NO room for sentiments here :(. 
-The season: soon, it's going to be fall. Summer will be over! Sniff. I feel like it's almost a death of some sort. 
-Cleaning out my closet: As I mentioned before, I changed my style ever-so-slightly. It was also time for me to clean out my closet and get rid of a lot of things. How sad! I did this yesterday. If I want to, I can remember how I got each piece of clothing, how it made me feel when I wore it, all the fun times or not fun times I had with it. But, this would just make me sad, so I tried not to think too much and just got on with my task.
Even though sadness is a huge, recurring element here, I'm glad I get to feel this sentimentality. I feel alive; life is so vivid and colorful. Because where there's sadness, that just means that's how much I care and love things. It's painful, but it strangely also feels good.

So instead of fearing it and also feeling ashamed of it like I used to, I think that from now on, I'll just embrace my sentimentality head-on.

Which means that, in a weird way, I'll be embracing change too.

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