Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Men Who Cheat

I like men. I really do. It may possibly seem like I don't, given the title of my post and how I talk about being taken advantaged of and stuff. But not all men are like that. And when men are good, they're great. So, before I launch into this topic, I just want to start off by saying that I really like men.

I recently found out that a family friend, someone I don't know well, but still a friend of the family, got divorced. She was with her ex-husband for ten years. They have a seven year old daughter now. She started getting an idea that he was cheating on her when her daughter was two, about five years into the marriage. She decided to give him a chance, and stayed with him. For five more years. Finally, after ten years together, the cheating was still going on, and they divorced.

I never saw it coming. I don't know this couple (ex-couple) well, but from the outside, they looked fine. She's not an evil person, and neither is he. That's why this is so surprising and upsetting. They're both really normal people.

My mom has this belief that 99% of men cheat (my dad is special, she says, which is true). I really don't think it's as bad as what my mom thinks it is, if you can even assign a percentage to this. But I think women have to be smart and realistic. It's not a low "percentage."

From my family friend's story, I think the takeaway is that basically, all men are very capable of cheating. ***ALL*** men. Even the most gentle, likes-to-do-what's-right, likes-to-follow-the-rules man, is perfectly capable, very capable, of cheating. It sucks. Also, I think it's hard for women to comprehend this. Because it's kind of the opposite of how we're wired. But men are the opposite of women.

I hate to say this, but men are biologically programmed to cheat. It's instinctual to them. Doesn't make it the least bit acceptable if it happens though. 

But not all men cheat. If they don't, I think it basically comes down to two factors for the woman:

1) Luck

and/or

2) Being smart about this situation and knowing how to prevent him from cheating. That does NOT mean to lock him up or tie him to you. Maybe that works, but I don't think that's the right way. Besides, when you do that, you don't really have a man anymore.

I don't know what the surefire techniques and tips are. I just think that it's something you have to learn and figure out as you go, on your journey with your man. 

And I think that when it's done right, men appreciate this too. They want to be good, and they need help. 

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