Friday, May 6, 2016

Today I'm going to share with all of you about one of my flaws. I have a really hard time admitting, much less writing, about my flaws. That's also a flaw in itself. See? It never ends.

One of my biggest flaws (I have many) is that I get it in my head that something needs to go a certain way, and if it doesn't, then I think it's a total failure and completely dismiss it.

This...makes it really hard for people to deal with me. This...makes my life unnecessarily hard. 

I've been this way for so long, for as long as I can remember, since I was a little kid. So it's hard now for me to break out of this way of operating. But I realize that I have to, if I want any chance of enjoying life.

I'll share with you a current situation in my life where I'm having this problem, which is making me face my problem head on: 

The person I wrote about in my last post is about a former coworker of mine, named Jesse. We're not together, and currently, I'm waiting for him to ask me if he wants to be in a relationship with me. The ball's in his court. 

I can't know with any absolute certainty that he will ask me this. I just know that I'm fairly certain that he will, based on everything between us.

So, I'm waiting. And in my head, he could ask me this question, right now, today. It would be a good and appropriate time. But as he's not, it's making me really, really upset. To the point where I have even cried, out of anger/frustration. Not because I'm insecure that he won't (that's a whole, separate issue of mine). Because I have it stuck in my head that if today is a good day to ask me, and he hasn't, then he's totally messed everything up.

In order to remain sane, I'm having to constantly take a step back and rationally remind myself that he doesn't have to ask me JUST today. There are other days he could ask me this, in the future, and it would be just as fine then. Just because I feel like today would be a good day for Jesse to ask me this question, doesn't mean that today is the only day it can happen.

So, here it is, friends. One of my worst flaws. 

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