Tuesday, May 31, 2016

The idea of home has been on my mind/pressing on me.

Home is so important. But what is it generally? Home is the place where we feel like we should be. It's a feeling we get. An important one. Because we all belong somewhere. When we have that, we operate well. When we don't, we go looking for it in places we won't find it and we act oddly.

When we're little, home is a very defined concept. There are two elements to it. First, there a geographic component to it, and that's the place we live permanently. It's both a geographic region and a physical building. Second, home is the family structure we're in. It includes parents, two of them, a mom and dad. It can also include other blood relatives, if there are any, or other people who feel like they have that bond with us.

I was lucky. But many other people did not have an ideal home, or even a home at all, when they were little. Thankfully, humans are resilient, and it is still possible for them to overcome that loss with grace.

As we get older, those two components of home no longer become the root definition of home for us. They just don't. At our core, we don't feel a need to be locked into any particular geographic location. And at our core, we don't feel an unquestionable need to be part of a family unit. If we have these things, that's really great, but we don't need these things the way that we did when we were kids.

At the same time, life becomes much more open-ended for us. Our days and lives can be spent on a million, trillion, different possibilities. There are an infinite number of praiseworthy ways to live our lives. We choose.

This open-endedness used to scare me, and still does. Though it shouldn't. It should feel freeing and exciting and miraculous. If I had a better, internal concept of home, then I think I wouldn't feel scared anymore.

So as an adult, where does our primary concept of home come from? We still need it as much as when we were children, but now it has a different definition for us.

I think as adults, our primary definition of home is not defined by being a part of a family unit and living in a particular place. It comes from within ourselves maybe. Being comfortable with ourselves, in our own skin, wherever we are.

And I'm not very good at this. But that's okay.

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