Monday, May 23, 2016

I have almost nothing in common with my mom. I didn't inherit her genes...for anything. I don't look like her. I don't act like her. I don't have the same interests as her.

I really only get a few things from her...and they are bad things. I inherited neuroses from her. These things can definitely be genetic and inherited. Depression, obsessive behavior, addictive personality, insanity...these are all traits that can definitely be inherited and "run in the family."

From my mom, I inherited two things: anxiety and being negative. She has these traits, and they're also in my grandma as well. Though I have these neuroses, thankfully, they are not in large doses. With some attentiveness to myself, and a little bit of work in controlling myself, they don't have to affect me.

In regards to my anxiety, which I won't write too much about here, it's more like, I tend to get really flustered easily. Specific situations provoke me. I just have a heightened level of worry to situations. I even know I'm being irrationally nervous. 

In regards to my negativity, it's not like I'm a pessimistic person. I don't suffer from pessimism. It's more like...I only focus on the bad things that are going on in my life, and not the good things. It's just a brain switch that doesn't work right. That's how it feels to me. My mind just goes to the negative stuff going on in my life.

I've known about my anxiety for some time, but not really my negativity. I didn't know about my negativity because...I'm just not self-aware, I guess.

Well, overcoming my negativity takes some work on a daily basis, but it is clearly something I should do. It's mostly a matter of humbling myself and admitting that I have this trait, and then consciously focusing on the happy stuff in my life, instead of the bad stuff where my mind naturally wants to go. It feels like work, it is effort, but it's obviously worth it and the right thing to do.

So I'm going to start right now. One of the things I enjoy doing in my life is taking walks. They are solo walks, and I take them out in nature. I take these one-hour walks, around my house, usually in the evening, at a time of the day when it's not too hot outside. I live in a really nice area, and there's plenty of nature and hills in the neighborhood around my house. I often see lots of other walkers and bicyclists on my route. 

I don't pay particular attention to it, but I enjoy being in nature and the natural foliage of my neighborhood. It's just really pretty. The trees, the leaves, the grass, everything. It's so natural. I enjoy the nice air. It doesn't feel like city air; it feels like country air, almost--a bit cleaner. I enjoy looking at all the houses on my route. They are all interesting to me. From the newest houses being constructed, to the decades-old houses. From the biggest, opulent mansions, to humble abodes. No two houses are remotely alike, yet they're all located in this wonderful scenery.

I take these walks about once or twice a week. They're nice.   

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